Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize