I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize