We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
