And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Randomize
