"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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