Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
