Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
