Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
