I need help removing her.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
