Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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