Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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