I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
