I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize