Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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