Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
a search helicopter?!
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize