walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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