He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
