I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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