If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
