he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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