So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize