17 year olds will be the death of me.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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