everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
