those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
