I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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