You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize