im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize