You're a womanizer and a bitch.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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