I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize