The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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