dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
