What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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