im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
