Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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