Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
