Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
