can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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