i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
That accounts for only three of the penises
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
