No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
