Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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