you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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