I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
This gyro tastes like lonliness
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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