Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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