i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
