So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Small penises have feelings too.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
