Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
