life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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