Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
