I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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