You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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