is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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