official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
How does it feel to date your dad?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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