I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
