Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
