ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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