i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
