tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
