Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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