This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
