hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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