There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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