Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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