pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Randomize
