you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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