I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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