I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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