This is not my ceiling
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
