I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Someone signed my nipple.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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