You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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