I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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