I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
